On the 1st December we announced our #DBTDCrackerJokes competition. 

Over this time we’ve learned three valuable lessons:

If anything, this ran for too long. Didn't think it through - that was the problem.
Twitter has a decent volume of witty and clever people on it.
Facebook does not. C- guys…

The first winner is @Brainmage. This smarty-pants flexed his overdeveloped funny muscle to contribute a bunch of excellent jokes, including the following:

“I spent all last week reading about old modems. I ended up baud to death.”

“How do you unsettle a choking person? Perform the unheimlich manoeuvre

@fr1day showed everyone, with jokes including these:

“A Higgs Boson particle goes 2 church & priest asks, ‘Why’d you come?’ HB: ‘You can't have mass without me!’"

“A photon checks into a hotel & the bellhop asks, ‘Any luggage?’ Photon replies, ‘No, I'm travelling light."

“When [sic] do you get when you put root beer in a square glass? Beer...”

@Velmanatov proved that his noggin is more than just a hat rack with these:

“‘Doctor, Doctor. My son thinks he's a Bose–Einstein condensate.’ ‘Don't worry. I'm sure it's just a phase.’”

“Q. Why did the superconductor eat all of the Christmas Pudding? A. It had zero resistance to currants.”

“Q.What do you get if you cross a cow, a sheep and a goat? A. Serious trouble with your ethics committee.”

@E9_Resident cracked one off with this:

“There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those that know binary and those that don't.”

And @sandigled did this:

“Doctor: I'm afraid you have onomatopoeia
Me: What's that?
Doctor: It's exactly what it sounds like”

This image is representative of our reaction to these jokes:

I think we can all agree that these people are clever enough to be in our gang. Perhaps not quite so with Facebook. Bad Facebook…

Will any of these actually be used next year? Who knows. We’ll find out in 12 months.

There were some other jokes that were too close to the types that have the witless masses spilling their Findus Crispy Pancakes out of their mouths as they bray with laughter to win - but they were actually pretty amusing nonetheless, so they get an honourable mention and a set of crackers too.

“my friend sent me a text saying ‘gnab’. I sent him one back at once, saying, ‘that’s bang out of order’.”


“Conjunctivitis.Com .. Now that's a site for sore eyes!”


“Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?Because their days are numbered!”


“A Rastafarian just gave me a haircut. It looks Dreadful ”

Well done Twitter. You’re a funny bunch. Just look at your glorious prize!

Facebook - you have been a huge source of disappointment.

Drinks by the Dram.